I miss my kids. No, I am not talking about my daughters, Jhune and Jhenesis, I am referring to the 80 kids I spent time with almost every day of the week for the past six months. The kids with whom I spent more time than my family. The kids who remained on my mind well after I clocked out and exited the campus doors. I miss my students.
I have not seen them since March 6, 2020. On this day, we laughed, we joked, and one student even broke out in a dance (hi, Robert) in excitement for the upcoming Spring Break vacation while the rest of the students cheered him on. Another group of my students even convinced me to perform the renegade challenge with them during my (and also their) lunchtime. "Ya'll should be eating right now!," I told them repeatedly. It took us five attempts to get it right, but they did not care; they stayed until it was (almost) perfect. I'm glad I didn't decline because it turns out, I wouldn't be able to "try it again when we come back" (to school). I won't even get to take class photos with them on the last day like I had planned. Turns out I'll never get the opportunity to do any of that because I'll never see them again.
The headline that made my heart drop. I mean, what did I expect? Did I really think we'd be allowed to go to school one last time just so I could see them and they could see me? Honestly... I sorta did. I'd played out all types of scenarios in my head such as volunteering to hand out meals to kids, but even then, it's not like I'd be able to just stop and hold a conversation with them. Looking back, it was just wishful thinking.
I enjoyed my students. My kids were/are bright, they were competitive (against each other and class vs class), they were FUNNY, interesting, blunt, inquisitive... and they cared about me. During the school year, I became pregnant with my third child. Seeing as though they paid close attention to me (eye roll lol), they noticed that I began to put on a little weight. "Mrs. Stiggers, is there something you need to tell us?" And I did. With a big smile on my face, I told them I was expecting, and what do you think they did? They gave me a standing ovation. Some even yelled out "I knew it!" Of course they did.
One week in November, I missed four days straight. That is unlike me, and my students began to worry. I received messages from them on Google Classroom and Remind 101 of them attempting to check on me. When I returned to school, one student noticed that I looked a little different...physically. "Mrs. Stiggers, what happened? Is everything OK? You look different." Leave it to those middle schoolers to ask any and everything that came to mind. I had experienced a miscarriage. That was the most silent I've heard my class of 32 students ever be besides when taking a test. Their response was, "Mrs. Stiggers, you need to go home." My student Andrew stood up and told me I needed to take care of myself. That's how it was with my students. I have students who dealt with deaths in their families, I've had to hug broken-hearted teenage girls, I've had to have difficult one-on-one conversations with them, diffuse arguments between students, speak life into my teen girls who were feeling insecure, I've had to calm anxiety attacks, deal with salty attitudes after calling their parents, I’ve had students confront their deepest family secrets and express their feelings about them in classroom poetry slam sessions and so on. In my classroom, we faced a lot and got through it all.
You know how most of us loved it when our teacher called in? When I'd miss a day of work, I had to explain myself upon returning. It wasn't just me being happy to see them, but they were happy to come to my class as well, and that's how I always wanted it. Some teachers may not have had a similar positive experience, so believe me, I am grateful, appreciative, and fortunate to say that I have. We sang happy birthday to one another, we made deals such as "Mrs. Stiggers, if I score better than last time on my test, can I have a bag of chips?" One student even told me that all she wanted for her birthday was for me to come to her volleyball game (hey, Lorena). But you see, the positivity and the rewards were reciprocal; it wasn't just me trying to radiate positivity without receiving it in return. One day, one of the assistant principals at my job came to my classroom and gave me a card which announced that I had placed in the Top 10% in student growth in our district. Each of my classes found out about it, and what do you think they did? They gave me a standing ovation. EACH. CLASS. They did that a lot. Those kids knew that I STAYED on some type of diet, so tell me why I left work with my arms filled with candy (and also flowers, cards and gifts) on Valentines Day?
It would take multiple blog posts to write out the all of the moments of happiness brought to me by my students, but above all, the biggest gift they have given to me to date is 1: sending me messages telling me that they look up to me and that I am the reason they don't dislike reading anymore and 2: GROWTH under my instruction. Before Spring Break, the students had an exam to gauge how they might perform on the upcoming STAAR test, and I was floored with the results. Students who started the school year off fighting with me because they did not "like to read" or had expressed to me that they have "never passed the test" or who lacked confidence in their abilities had shown tremendous growth!! "Alright now, lets keep that energy when it's time to take STAAR in four weeks," I'd said to them. I was optimistic, I was eager, and I was excited. I could not wait for the big day to come just so they could perform exactly how I knew they could. I already knew it, but I couldn't wait for them to see it for themselves. Who knew that I was looking forward to something that would never be happening?
This is the hand we're dealt, so now it is time to adjust. As educators, we must be flexible, resilient, and figure out a way to be/do what our students need. I needed a different moment, however... a moment to say goodbye to all 80 of you. I needed a space to express my appreciation and gratitude for each and every one of you because you all are the reason why my work days were more fun than one would expect. I am going to miss moving Blake to a different table. I'm going to miss Musa being extra and showing off. I'm going to miss separating Daniel from his girlfriend on purpose. I'm going to miss Melanie acting like a second teacher and telling all the other students what to do while they gave her a salty look. I'm going to miss telling them "BYE!!!!" when they'd ask me if they can skip their other classes to come to my class. I'm going to miss all of them.
I was getting ready to say "goodbye," but instead... Marisol, Rodrigo, Liset, Moises, Blake, Daniel, Carlton, Matthew, Jose, Jaden, Joanna, Julissa, Michelle L., Michelle V., Robert, Angel, Juan, Brian, Adalyn , Wilser, Damari, Eduardo, Layla, Anahi, Maryah, Esbeidy, John, Sarah, Andrew, Carlos, Xavier, David, Jacob, Mariah, Alejandra, Izaac, Miranda, Steven, Lexx, Diana, Brianna, Veronica, Madelynn, Jaclynn, Cecilia, Mireya, Jimmy, Emmanuel, Erik, Devonta, Lorena, Isis, Robin, Ciro, Dulce, Jose, Alan, Evelyn, Melanie, David, Salvador, Marco, Robert, Hector, Alexis, Catalina, Brianna, Stephanie, Kristina, Yamilet, Celeste, Abdallah, Jairo, Zander, Carlos, Mario.... SEE YA'LL LATER,
Written with love,
Mrs. Stiggers