I am in a few all-female groups on social media, and of course, while engaging in various topics, one (or several) ladies mention that they are a stay at home mom. One thing I have noticed is that "stay at home mom" (SAHM) often has a (negative) stigma attached to it. This stigma is usually based off assumptions, and for me, there is no reason to assume when I can simply go to the source and ask--so that is what I did. I was able to gain insight as to what life is really like as a SAHM, and this brave mama also addressed the assumptions that many seem to have.
How old are your children, and how long have you been a SAHM?
I’ve been a SAHM on & off for the last 5 years. My children are 13, 12, 9, 8, 7 & 5 years old. Four girls and two boys.
What prompted the decision for you to stay at home? Did you want to, or was it because of one of the most common reasons of childcare prices being a bit much?
I’ve worked since I was 15 years old, so I’ve never had the chance to actually be home with any of my children as they were growing up. I missed a lot of milestones, and it is always something I felt guilty about as the years went by. Childcare is definitely a factor because even when I did work, 50-60% of my check went to that alone. Also, my 7-year-old son had a brain injury at 7 months old in 2014 and is disabled as a result of it. I was having to constantly take off for appointments or hospitalization for him. Also, because my fiancé wanted me to have the freedom to stay home and experience our youngest daughters milestones that he knew I missed with the older children, and we could definitely afford for me to do so.
Your story just reinforces that being a SAHM is not about glamour or simply not working! Here is the question many are itching to know. What does a SAHM do all day? What does a typical day look like for you and your kiddos?
I do anything and everything to be honest depending on the day lol. A typical day for us now is getting up to eat breakfast and logging into school. My youngest daughter and I tend to stay either in my room or the living room depending on where the other 4 children are at doing online school. We sleep in lol. We love our sleep around here. We have lunch when they go on lunch and during breaks, I clean in the common areas and have laundry going and starting to fold. I run errands, which seems like every single day at this point. Get groceries once a week so that in itself is a huge chore for a family of eight people.
From the perception of the masses, being a SAHM looks easy. After all, all you have to do is “watch” your kid. Do you find that it is easy? If not, what are some of the difficulties of being a stay at home mom?
Being a SAHM is not easy at all. We can’t take sick days ever or get paid a cent. Although my fiancé does pick up my slack when I’m overwhelmed, sick, or just need a break. I do “watch” my children, but I’m also doing a hundred other things aside from that because we are all home and we use things constantly and need things done. It’s easy in the sense that I don’t have to rely on a babysitter to be available if I worked. When I did work I had no reliable child care and it was just a mess itself.
Unless you decide to homeschool, your youngest baby will get to an age where it is time for them to being preschool or kindergarten. Do you think you will return to the workforce, or do you feel like being a stay at home mom continues even after baby starts school? Why or why not?
Our youngest daughter actually starts school in August of this year, and that’s a conversation we’ve had recently actually. For now, I’ll continue being a SAHM since she will also be learning online along with her siblings. If and when things return to normal (you know COVID) I will return to the workforce. I’ve actually looked into being a loan broker and that’s what my sights are set on right now but we will see what the future holds.
Do you feel like you have had to sacrifice or give anything up to be a SAHM such as a social life, career endeavors, extra money to spend on yourself/as you please, etc.?
Being a SAHM I can say I did give up my social life in the beginning. I always felt guilty for going out and asking people to keep my kids. But now my older daughters are 13 & 12, so they babysit and even encourage my fiancé & I to go out lol. As for spending money on myself and as I please, I currently do that. I used to feel guilty about that as well but I budget and pay our bills so I know what we can or can’t afford. My fiancé has made sure from day one to let me know that even though I don’t work to bring in money I help support us all from home.
Are you involved with any activities outside of being a SAHM?
I’m not involved in any activities, but I go out with friends or family when I can or want to.
Do you have friends or family members who are SAHMs? If not, how are your interactions with friends/women who have children but are not SAHMs?
I’ve had family and friends talk about me because I do stay home. Some are happy for me because they know what I’ve been through in my life, and they genuinely feel I deserve it. Some not-so-nice things have been said because I don’t work, but it doesn’t bother me. It’s always been behind my back and someone else told me. But I know most likely if they were able to stay home, they would take it. It is what it is.
What do you feel are some advantages (personal, for the family as a whole, and for the child alone) of being a SAHM?
The advantages are that I’m able to run errands and get things done while the kids are in school, take my children to the doctor if the need arises, deal with hospitalizations for our son, or if a nurse calls out, I’m able to be home and watch him while we find someone to come in or when the next shift starts. I’m able to attend school events whenever possible and just be involved in school life for all of them.
What are some disadvantages (personal, for the family as a whole, and for the child alone) of being a SAHM?
Disadvantages are that I’m not able to pitch in financially to help save or even pay bills like I would like to be able to but I think that’s the only thing I can think of right now.
How do you find balance between being a SAHM and simply being you? Do you intentionally dedicate time to yourself on the weekends or make it a point to get out of the house and do something for yourself, or is it difficult to find that balance? I ask because essentially, you’re at home seven days a week, all day. During my summers off as a teacher, I had to find a way make time for me.
It was hard for me to find the balance a few years ago because I isolated myself from everyone besides family and at one point even from my family. I was home alllll the time and never did anything for myself. Time to myself was grocery shopping and that was nice but not something like getting my nails done, getting a massage or going to get coffee and read a book. Now I go out with my friends and even with my mom or my siblings. I even take my daughters with me to get my nails done or go shopping. I make so much more time now and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m much happier with myself, and I feel like I’m my own person more than I used to. Mentally I feel I’m in a better place because I can go out by myself.
What is your overall, personal goal from being a stay at home mom?
My personal goal was and is to be available at any time for my children and fiancé whenever they need me. I have been able to have “school” for my youngest and teach her things I wasn’t around to help my other children learn. Yes, I would hear it and obviously help teach them too but to experience every single step of the journey to where she accomplishes the things she’s worked so hard to learn is so rewarding. I’ve soaked in all the years I’ve had so far and will continue to have and I love it. It’s been an amazing but hard experience but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am ready to get back to work when the time comes.