You know those things/experiences that are absolutely bad in the moment/when it happens but become funny to talk about well after it's over? Well, that's today's blog post. This story took place exactly one week before I became engaged. My mother had taken the entire family to dinner, and the night could not have been going any better! My (then) boyfriend was enjoying himself, my niece, Lilly had graced us with her presence, and my brothers were being their usual selves--arguing with each other and me (lol). After everyone had finished stuffing their faces, we started our typical family convo. Each kid had their moment where they were the topic of conversation, and then... it was my turn. During this time, she asked me a question shook me to my core. It sounds dramatic, but what she'd asked me is something no unwed mother wants to be asked.
One thing about me is I am always going to defend my husband. Now, he wasn't my husband at the time, but lets be real, everyone knows how a lot of women tend to be. We tend to take on roles that are typically expected of a wife. For me, sticking up for/defending my spouse to others or "in public" as some might say was my job. Well... on this day, I did what I would normally do. I defended him! But on the inside, I questioned whether or not he deserved defending.
"When are y'all going to get married?," she asked. Now that question? I was used to hearing that question. I had probably heard it once a week for a year or so. But this time, she had asked it with Jherrod sitting right there next to me. He kept it cool and gave his little spill about how he was waiting for the perfect time (which turned out to be true), while I spoke up and said "mama, he is a good man! I am not worried, I know it will happen in due time." While I said this, I smiled. My voice was high-pitched, and I'm pretty sure I spoke with conviction, despite feeling some type of way inside. Well, she wasn't done; she had one more followup question to ask. She blocked out Jherrod, Jhenesis, my brothers and my niece, looked me dead in my eyes and said, "You have one baby, and you're not married. You're pregnant with another baby, and you're not married. Next year, you'll likely become pregnant again (which I did), and you might not be married. You OK with that?"
Before I became pregnant, I felt no pressure to be married, but booyyyy was the pressure on after that baby came! I felt pressure from my family, I wondered what outsiders thought, but I also began to wonder simply for myself. A lot of women may smile... they'll say it's OK, but really, we're trying to save face. Well, at least that became the case for me. Jherrod and I would always talk about marriage, and then around March-April of 2018, it's like the conversation was non-existent. He had no problem discussing how big of a family he wanted or us buying our first home, however. At some point, I began to worry. I would bring up the topic of marriage via text just to bait him and see where his head was, and I never got the response I wanted. "Oh my gosh, what if he has changed his mind because we're on baby number two and he feels like I 'won't be going anywhere'?" And that... that is why my mother's question scared me. That is why that particular question brought me to tears in the middle of a family restaurant.
I felt like I had no type of say in when (or even if) we would get married. Although Jherrod has told me COUNTLESS TIMES that he had dreams of having a wife and kids as a child, it's like I forgot that he had ever said that, and my new thoughts were "he's going to take advantage of the fact that we have two kids... that I love him. He's going to string me along... and I can't do anything about it."
I never answered her question. After being consoled by my brother, Ray (meanwhile Jherrod remained straight-faced and calm) and ending our dinner, we said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways. One thing Jherrod and I always do on car rides is talk. We just have nice, random conversation. This car ride, however, was quiet. Although I'd said "he's a good man, mama!," and all that other hoopla during dinner, her question stayed with me. Before we got to the house, I tried to break the ice. I told him that I would never let anything mess up the inside of our house or have us sleeping with our backs to one another. I SAID that, but on the inside... I wasn't content in the least, and I did not sleep very well that night.
Unbeknownst to me, before leaving the restaurant, Jherrod had shown my brother a photo the he had saved in his phone. It was a photo of the ring that he would be purchasing in two days, and one that had been in his possession since the day he decided to propose, which was actually several months before my mother had asked me the question that left me crying and wondering whether or not he would ever marry me.
“The day you decided when the baby shower would be, I knew right then and there that it would be the day I’d propose. I just wanted to be in a space where all of our loved ones would be able to witness it and share in the moment with us, and I’m glad I did. It was perfect.”
